


Claustrophobia

by MidnightPandora



Series: me projecting onto the little gremlin? its more common than youd think [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Claustrophobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Game(s), big brother rantaro, could also be seen as shippy with rantaro idrc, literally just me projecting ope, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26593114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightPandora/pseuds/MidnightPandora
Summary: Kokichi likes to act like he wasn't affected by the killing game—simulation—but Shuichi has his doubts.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: me projecting onto the little gremlin? its more common than youd think [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1934503
Comments: 2
Kudos: 182
Collections: Quality Fics





	Claustrophobia

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally just me projecting onto kokichi so if its out of character im sorry. I also have no idea if I accurately represented claustrophobia because it isn't the phobia that I actually have but i felt it made the most sense for him given his death in the game.
> 
> TW: Graphic description of a panic attack

Shuichi was currently sitting in a circle with the members of the 53rd Killing Game on the floor of Kaede’s living room.

Looking around the room you might think this was a typical sleep over between highschool students. They were in the midst of an intense game of truth or dare, from Kaito seated in only his boxers, to Kaede’s punk makeover (courtesy of Rantaro), all the boisterous laughter would make it seem like normal shenanigans between teenagers.

But in reality the simulation—their personal hell—had ended only 6 months ago.

These gatherings hadn’t started quite so cheerfully. At first they’d all been awkward, and traumatized. Putting murderers in the same room with their victims? Shuichi had thought Kaede was crazy for even suggesting it, many of the others had shared skepticism in their own ways. Rantaro had been the one to put an end to that quickly. And having been through—and now regained his memories of—two killing games they often looked to him as a leader of sorts, so they’d listened to what he had to say.

“After the 52nd game… we hadn’t talked.” He started a bit shakily. Shuichi listened intently. He knew Rantaro had been through two games but he never talked about the first one much.

Rantaro stared off as he continued, “We’d all gone our separate ways, even those who had survived. And it sucked.” He explained, “I don’t mean because we needed closure or any of that bullshit the therapists are throwing at us… but because no one else understood. You guys are the only ones who can truly empathize with each other about what we went through. To everyone else it was just a game, meaningless, afterall we didn’t truly die did we? They’ll be sympathetic for a moment, but they’ll quickly brush it off, expecting you to bounce back soon.” His voice grew agitated in a way it rarely did. Taking a deep breath he looked around and met each of their eyes. “But going through the game… well it changes you. I’m not who I was in the game now that I have my memories back... but I’m not who I was before either. So personally I’d appreciate keeping in touch with the only people who can relate and know what it’s like to be someone new.” Kaede gave him a small smile which he returned in earnest.

Since his little speech they had been gathering approximately once a week to reconvene, usually at Kaede’s place because it was the biggest, but sometimes they’d have the confidence for a public outing. Of course those who got along well would meet outside of these weekly get togethers, some even choosing to live together for convenience sake. But for some forgiveness hadn’t been easy. Most victims still avoided their killers. Those who had fought still argued regularly. But with time they were finally getting to know each other without the constant stress and manipulation of the game shaping their actions and personalities. Getting to know their true selves. 

Now Shuichi laughed from where he sat beside Kaito, catching a glare from Maki who sat on the other side of the wannabe astronaut. She was angry about her current dare, lips pressed tight to avoid having to sing every time she spoke, but her gaze softened at Shuichi’s carefree expression. With a fond look she turned to Kaito and let a small smile show. On Maki’s other side sat Kaede who was speaking animatedly to Miu while Kiibo nodded along to the conversation. The others were in similar states of contentment and it made Shuichi overjoyed to see as he surveyed the group. Everyone was smiling and laughing and chatting with each other peacefully.

It was one of the first get-togethers they’d had without any major breakdowns. Not that anyone was to blame, what they went through was truly horrific, so they tried to all be respectful and gentle when someone needed a moment, but they were still stressful for everyone to witness. Some tried to hide the struggles that the game had left them with but with time and proximity they’d all broken in front of each other eventually. There was no point trying to hide things from people who have already seen you at your absolute worst.

Well all except one...

“Kokichi, truth or dare?” Miu asked with a malicious grin. Some of the others paused their side conversations to pay attention, whenever Miu and Kokichi interacted things were bound to be interesting. As petty as they acted, though, Shuichi could tell the banter had limits. They teased and tormented each other but were careful to never go too far, and as much as they complained it was clear they both enjoyed the back and forth.

As expected Kokichi gave an easy smirk and confidently chose, “Dare.” his face taking on a menacing look at the thought of a challenge.

Shuichi had to admit, Kokichi was a little less obnoxious than he’d been in the game. He'd been particularly quiet and hesitant to join in group activities when they’d first woken up, but after one too many questions of how he was doing he had quickly bounced back to usual. He was still loud and made up outlandish stories, made death threats and held the power of his secret society over them all, but without the accompanying stress of a killing game it was now easy to tell he was bluffing. They also just knew him better now. Statements that once might have been bone chilling or just extremely confusing were now simply met with eye rolls and laughs rather than the rage and tears.

Shuichi watched as Miu’s eyes lit up at Kokichi’s choice, it wasn’t a look he’d ever want directed at himself that was for certain.

She pretended to pause and think for a moment before her face morphed into a suggestive smirk. So far all of her dares had been somewhat sexual, as to be expected with Miu, but the others always put a stop to things if they felt she was going too far with her challenges.

“I dare you and Shuichi to play 7 minutes in heaven.” She singsonged with a Cheshire grin.

Shuichi jolted at his name being said. Oh dear. He felt his face flush red as several of them gave whoops or hollers, Kaede gave him a worried look as if to ask ‘Is this alright?’ but he gave a small smile in return.

As embarrassing as it may be he didn’t exactly mind the idea... Kokichi was often playfully suggestive with him and had even kissed him several times now—though he still couldn’t tell if those were jokes or not.

Kokichi cackled at her “dare” it seemed like more of a challenge for Shuichi than Kokichi didn’t it?

“Come on now boys, get in the closet!,” She laughed at her own joke as she ushered them to the closet across the room.

“But wait!” Kokichi interrupted, jumping up to everyone’s surprise. 

“That’s a completely different game!” He continued. A few of the others nodded in agreement but most shrugged or had stopped paying attention at this point, expecting a dumb arguement between the two eccentric teens.

Shuichi paused from where he’d been beginning to stand, did Kokichi really have an issue with it being Shuichi? They didn’t even have to do anything in the closet did they? 

Shrouded in self doubt Shuichi began to feel bad about himself. Had all of Kokichi’s playful interactions with him been a lie afterall? Shaking his head before he could go down that route of self-hate Shuichi tried to consider any other possibilities. Perhaps it was just the closet that was the problem?

“Besides, wouldn’t you rather watch us instead~?” Kokichi taunted with a mischievous laugh. 

Ah yes that seemed to be it, it was only the closet component that had Kokichi bothered. Wait WATCH us?! No no no no There was no way Shuichi could awkwardly kiss the other boy in front of all of them. It was one thing when Kokichi came up and showed affection to his surprise then scurried off before he could reciprocate… but this was more official.

“No buts!” Miu pointed a finger at him, “A dare is a dare and I can tell you to do whatever I please! Besides if you stay out here it will all just be an act, knowing you.” She smirked. Shuichi sighed in relief. He really didn’t like the idea of having an audience while he kissed the other boy. But still… why was Kokichi so bothered about being in the closet with him?

Before Shuichi could question it a wide grin was plastered on the purple haired boy’s face and the little gremlin jumped to Shuichi’s side.  
“Well ,come on then Shumai, you heard the masses!” He giggled and grasped Shuichi’s arm to drag him along. Stumbling, Shuichi let the shorter drag him over to the closet, Miu following and dragging Kiibo along behind her.

With the way he was shoved into the closet rather unceremoniously Shuichi might think Kokichi was just overly eager… if not for the slight shake of his hands and twitch of his face.

He began to regret his wishes to not have an audience, something was clearly wrong with the other boy and it was worrying. Shuichi tried to speak up and ask only to be faced with Miu and Kiibo blocking out in the doorway. 

“Ready, assistant?” She asked Kiibo with a false professional tone.

“Ready!” He replied, lifting up a stopwatch. When had he even gotten that?

“Okay you have exactly seven minutes... startinggggg now!!” And with a bang she slammed the door shut, her grinning face the last thing they saw before it went dark.

Still pressed up against Kokichi, Shuichi heard the sound of someone fiddling with the door followed by Miu’s cackling laugh fading into the distance.

Well that just happened.

After a few blinks he turned to try to see Kokichi’s face in the dark, his eyes taking time to adjust.

When he was able to see the other’s face however Kokichi wasn’t looking back at him. He was staring over his shoulder, looking around sporadically at the walls as if they might close in on him.

Oh.

“Uh, Kokichi?” Shuichi tried hesitantly.

“Ah-Yes my beloved?” Kokichi gave him a suggestive smile but his voice was off and it didn’t reach his eyes. “Eager to start are we?” He purred out but his voice was slightly strained.

Shuichi felt his face heat at the words but he ignored the others insinuation, “We don’t have to actually do anything if being in here makes you nervous-”

“Nervous?” Kokichi jolted, “Ahh nothing makes evil Supreme Leaders nervous, you dummy~” Kokichi interrupted, waggling a finger in Shuichi’s face.

“Kokichi, I-”

“Shhhh.” A finger pressed to his lips to quiet him. “This is seven minutes in heaven Saihara-chan, not seven minutes of interrogation~” He spoke determinedly, face falling into an easy grin.

“Alright, if you say so.” Shuichi gave a nod, still concerned as to what was bothering the other boy but not wanting to push.

Next thing Shuichi knew thin arms were wrapped around his neck to pull his face down to meet Kokichi’s. He gasped as soft lips began trailing along his cheek and neck. The other boy was warm and soft and Shuichi couldn’t help but relax into the touch, it felt so nice to be shown affection like this.

Boldly, Kokichi pressed his lips to Shuichi’s, standing on tiptoe in order to properly reach the detective. Shuichi’s eyes widened in shock before he melted into the kiss in acceptance. Without thinking he wrapped his arms around the slim body in front of him, drawing Kokichi closer to his chest almost protectively.

He felt Kokichi freeze for just a moment, his body tensing. Pausing Shuichi moved to back off and ask if everything was alright but before he could question it he could feel the other’s hands running up and down his back; he’d never realized such simple touches could feel so good. He trusted the other boy and it just felt right. But he was once again brought back to reality when he felt Kokichi’s hands shake against his back.

“Stop.” He pulled away immediately, giving Kokichi the most serious look he could muster, “I know you’re not okay right now. Stop lying.”

Kokichi froze for a moment then gave an innocent look, “But Shumai!~” Shuichi only held his ground. His face fell when Shuichi refused to give in.

“Kokichi, I want to kiss you, really I do!” Shuichi was quick to explain, his face turning red at the confession, “Just not when you’re clearly upset about something... okay?”

Kokichi opened his mouth to argue again but paused. Eventually he let out a deep shuddering sigh.

There was a moment of silence where Kokichi refused to meet Shuichi’s eyes until Shuichi decided to prod further, “Is it… the closet? Do you not like cramped spaces?” He guessed.

Kokichi’s eyes widened and looked up in surprise then began to dart around the small room taking in the walls and ceiling.

“It’s okay to be afraid.” Shuichi said slowly, “I won't use it against you if you are afraid.”

“I’m fine.” Kokichi growled, his eyes flashing back to Shuichi’s face in anger.

Shuichi didn’t say anything but he could clearly tell that was a lie.

In truth Kokichi was terrified. There was no way to position himself without at least one of the walls or Shuichi being pressed against him in this narrow space. He felt like he was suffocating, like at any moment he might be crushed-

“Kokichi!” Shuichi’s worried voice cut through his panic.”It’s okay we can leave!” 

It was at that point that Kokichi realized he had started hyperventilating. Realizing there was no point trying to hide it any more he gave a small nod.

With all the confirmation he needed Shuichi shifted to reach around Kokichi for the door, “I’ll come up with some excuse to tell the others don’t wor-” he was suddenly reminded that the door was locked when he jiggled the doorknob to no avail. “Shit.”

He heard a gasp and turned to see Kokichi staring off into the distance with unfocused eyes, with a squeeze in his heart he gave the door a few sharp knocks, “Guys, can you please let us out? It’s important.” He called out, voice taking on the confident tone it did when he was doing detective work.

Normally Kokichi admired this voice. It was only heard when Shuichi was confident in his abilities and doing his best, it was part of why Kokichi adored him. But right now he was just doing everything in his power not to break down completely in front of the other boy. His two different anxieties were clashing violently in his head, the need to get out of this cramped space and the need to keep up his mask and not show any weakness to those around him.

“Guys??” Shuichi called out again.

He pressed his ear to the door to listen for them but heard nothing. They must have left the room.

Shuichi groaned.

Kokichi’s mind went blank in terror. They were stuck in here. He couldn’t leave. He could already feel the walls moving. Sliding in to squeeze and crush him between them. Leaving nothing but a splatter. He was going to die-

“Kokichi, Kokichi!” Shuichi’s concerned voice reached him and he realized the detective had been shaking him.

He tried to look at Shuichi’s face but it was hard to focus.

“I’ll text someone to come let us out, I’m sure it will only be a moment okay?”

Shuichi removed his hands to type out the message, Kokichi briefly missing the reassuring touch. The tapping of him on his phone was deafening in the silent closet, coupled only with the sound of Kokichi’s shaky breathing. He hated the idea that someone else was going to see him like this, and he briefly worried who Shuichi would choose the contact, but the fear of being crushed again began to outweigh his concerns.

He tried his best to control it, to take slower breaths and try to quiet them, but focusing on his breathing only seemed to make it worse, his chest aching. It was so frustrating! He knew his fear was stupid, he knew there was no way the walls would actually close in on him, and yet he couldn’t stop his body from feeling it. Couldn’t stop the irrevocable feeling that he’d be dead any second if he didn’t get out now. Without meaning to, he let out a small whimper.

He froze out of pure shame. No no no no no. He didn’t want to break down in front of Shuichi like this. He didn’t want to break down in front of anyone, it was embarrassing enough to know it happened on his own but he couldn’t let anyone see him like this, let anyone know that he wasn’t okay. They would use it against him or look down on him, it would give them power over him. Even if Shuichi was too kind to outright say anything he’d surely judge him and think less of him for this. 

As if reading his mind Shuichi interrupted, “Kokichi. It’s okay. You don’t need to hide it, I promise I don’t mind.” Through blurry vision he looked into Shuichi’s golden eyes, turned brown by the dim lighting. His voice was firm but soft, holding some of that confidence that Kokichi loved, confidence that only showed through when he was completely certain of something. “You’re already the bravest person I know Kokichi, you don’t need to be perfect all the time.”

Like a dam breaking Kokichi began to collapse, finally giving up all pretense that he was still somewhat in his right mindset. Shuichi grabbed his arms for a moment to try to prevent his descent before giving in and collapsing on the floor beside him, both sitting on their knees. Kokichi’s quiet huffs broke into full on gasps, his breaths simply not bringing in enough air. His body was tense, all his muscles felt like they’d been flexed at once with how rigid it felt, slight tremors moving through his limbs as he wrapped himself up as small as possible. He was terrified, he couldn’t think, couldn’t move, he was just so scared.

Shuichi held the smaller boy's shoulders, not knowing what to do. His heart ached to see the normally rambunctious and confident Kokichi so broken. But at the same time… he was somewhat relieved. 

He had wondered for a while now how far Kokichi’s trust issues ran. Of course he’d trusted no one in the game, had even taken extensive notes on all of them to try to find their true intentions. But that had been in the midst of a killing game, who was Shuichi to assume he was so distrusting of others under normal circumstances? But even Maki with her background as an assassin had slowly opened up to himself and Kaito with time. 

Kokichi had been the only one so far to not show in some way how the game had affected him or to talk about his past. While some had been more eloquent about it than others they had all shared their stories of how the game had left its mark. They’d all seen each other at their lowest moments or post breakdown and hadn’t judged because they understood. Like Rantaro had said, they needed assurance that they weren’t going through this alone.

Shuichi had hoped that maybe Kokichi was just different, that he truly just hadn’t been affected that badly by the events of the game, afterall he was quite the unique person.

But he was still human.

Kokichi had only been hiding it from them out of fear.

He wanted to explain—to make Kokichi understand—that while it was scary there was no way the others would judge him. They had all forgiven him for his actions in the game and would give him any support he needed. But now really wasn’t the time for such a big conversation. That could wait for when Kokichi wasn’t fighting to breathe and shaking violently in front of him.

He winced as Kokichi’s hands grabbed at his arms and gripped a little tighter than was comfortable but said nothing. His own discomfort was of no concern to him right now.

He had no idea what to say, how to help fix this—because he knew there really was no fixing this—but he tried his best. “You’re okay. You can breath, you’re not in the game, everyone is alive.” He spoke quiet reassurances into the dark. He knew from his own experiences with anxiety that the words likely wouldn't help, but just having someone there with you remaining calm could do wonders.

“I’m here and I’m not going to leave you, everything will be okay.” He continued to murmur soft words to the other boy, using his thumbs to rub the smaller boy’s arms.

He let Kokichi continue to gasp and shake, each tremor only making him wish he could hug him but he knew it would probably only make him feel more trapped. He’d do nearly anything to take this pain away from Kokichi at the moment, but he was glad the other wasn’t going through this alone any more.

Shuichi winced as he thought of all the times Kokichi might have had a breakdown like this all alone. His hesitancy to enter the closet had implied he was aware of this fear and had likely experienced it before.

Shuichi’s continued reassurances cut off when he heard the click of the door, light flooding into the small space.

“Shuichi?” Rantaro’s warm but concerned voice called out. 

“Down here.” Shuichi responded from the floor.

Rantaro’s face filled with confusion for a moment before looking down to spot them huddled on the carpet. Green eyes widened in surprise before softening, “You can come out now, the others got distracted, I’m sorry.” He whispered.

Shuichi shook his head, it wasn’t Rantaro’s fault after all. It wasn’t really anyones except the games. He doubted Miu had ever intended for this when she’d posed the dare to the shorter boy.

“Kokichi, we can go now.” He spoke just loud enough to get through to the shaking boy. Still staring off into nothing and still struggling to breathe Kokichi got to his feet. Both Rantaro and Shuichi lunged to offer him support when his legs shook but backed off when he flinched.

Shakily he exited the closet and collapsed on the open living room floor, his eyes squeezing shut.

Rantaro and Shuichi watched painfully as Kokichi took in the first full breath of air since entering the closet and broke down into relieved tears.

“Why don’t we go outside for some fresh air?” Rantaro spoke up. Kokichi flinched as he looked at the green haired boy, some of the fear returning to his face. He hadn’t really processed Amami’s presence until now.

“Don’t worry the others are in the kitchen and won’t notice if you go out the back, no one knows what happened except Saihara and I.” He explained with a small smile.

This seemed to make Kokichi calm a little and he nodded, looking down to avoid their faces. He hated the pitying looks they were giving him. He could already feel his normal mindset returning but his stupid body wasn’t finished yet, random tremors still passing through him and breathing still way too thin.

With Rantaro leading the way they exited the back door and stepped into the night. The three boys sat themselves on the porch steps, the taller two giving Kokichi as much space as possible between them. The air was much cooler out here, and there were crickets chirping from all directions. 

Rantaro leaned back and gazed up into the night sky while Shuichi stared off, deep in thought. Kokichi glanced at both of them then drew his knees up to his chest and glared at them. He knew relaxing his posture would make it easier to breathe but he didn’t care, still uncomfortable that they’d seen him like that.

Eventually his breathing returned to normal and the flush on his face died down, the slight breeze feeling good on his overly warm skin.

They sat in silence for a moment, no one wanting to break the calm or potentially upset Kokichi.

The little leader’s body still gave the occasional jolt as he came down from the adrenaline peak, but his veins no longer pulsed with pure terror and his chest no longer felt like it was collapsing in on him. 

“I’m sorry.” He spoke at last with a tight voice, “Please just pretend this never happened.” He had to fight to get the words out.

“No.” Shuichi spoke boldly.

Kokichi flinched.

“We’re not going to just pretend you’re not human, Kokichi,” Shuichi continued, drawing the attention of the other two, “What kind of friends would we be if we just ignored your feelings?”

Kokichi’s head rose to face him with a confused look.

“He’s right,” Rantaro continued from his other side, “I won’t tell the others if you aren’t comfortable with them seeing you like this, but please never be afraid to show either of us or any of the others how you really feel. All of us care about you” 

Kokichi flipped his head around to face the green haired boy, “Trust me, Kokichi. As much as you want to you can’t just hide it forever. It will tear you down bit by bit until it feels like there’s none of you left, just a shell of anxiety and trauma.” His eyes saddened a bit before turning back to him with a small smile, “We’re here whenever you want to talk about what happened to you, or just need a comforting presence. No one wants to see you hurt.”

Kokichi had a hard time believing that, but he nodded in understanding. Right here, right now, he was willing to trust the two of them. Finally relaxing a bit he laid back onto the wooden deck to look at the stars.

Before long they were whispering stories to each other, gasping when one spotted a shooting star, and giggling to themselves. With a warm feeling in his chest Kokichi realized that maybe he could get used to this; trusting others.

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt have a beta or read this over at all so if theres mitsakes oops


End file.
